The average individual harbors approximately nine distinct types of secrets. These can range from simple falsehoods to deeply concealed romantic feelings. This hidden burden can be significant, as secrets possess a disruptive tendency to surface in one’s thoughts unexpectedly. While confession may occasionally offer solace, certain secrets remain too sensitive to share. Consequently, researchers are exploring psychological strategies to manage their impact.
Val Bianchi, affiliated with the University of Melbourne in Australia, notes that secret-related thoughts can arise during everyday activities such as showering, performing household chores, or commuting. “Having these thoughts pop into your mind when you don’t necessarily want them to is often unpleasant,” she explains. “People can find themselves trapped in a cycle, spontaneously dwelling on their secrets throughout the day and feeling increasingly distressed.”
Bianchi has dedicated years to understanding the psychological toll of secret-keeping and methods to alleviate it. Her recent research received funding from the Australian Office of National Intelligence. She points out that intelligence operatives must maintain highly confidential information to safeguard national security, necessitating robust coping mechanisms for this responsibility.
This fascination with the lives of intelligence agents, particularly their ability to manage significant secrets and compartmentalize them from their personal lives, is a subject of interest. Lisa Williams from the University of New South Wales in Australia, who was not involved in Bianchi’s study, commented on this aspect.
To better assess the impact of secrets on individual well-being, Bianchi and her colleagues engaged 240 online participants. These individuals completed a survey detailing their various secrets. They indicated the presence of secrets across 38 categories, which included instances of lying, infidelity, theft, addiction, and self-harm.
The survey results revealed that respondents, on average, maintained nine types of secrets. The most frequently disclosed categories involved having told a lie, reported by 78 percent of participants, and dissatisfaction with a personal physical characteristic, cited by 71 percent. Financial concerns were also prevalent secrets for 70 percent of participants, followed by covert romantic desires (63 percent) and undisclosed sexual behaviors (57 percent).
Following this initial assessment, participants were asked to identify their most significant secret. They then maintained a daily diary for a fortnight, documenting their feelings related to this specific secret. Generally, participants perceived their primary secret negatively. When they contemplated it, their thoughts often gravitated towards worries or anxieties associated with the hidden information.
Bianchi’s prior research indicated that significant secrets tend to interrupt individuals’ thoughts approximately every two hours. These intrusions often occur during activities that do not demand full cognitive engagement, providing the mind with the necessary space to focus on and process the secret. “When you are doing something that doesn’t require all of your attention or all of your cognitive capacity, because your mind has the space to go to the secret and deliberate on it,” she stated.
The evolutionary basis for secret-keeping likely stems from its potential to foster group cohesion, despite the individual cost. By concealing information, individuals can protect themselves and others from emotional pain, social embarrassment, or a decline in social standing. Bianchi elaborated, stating, “For example, if you find out a colleague is being investigated at work, you might choose to stay silent about it, rather than gossiping with others, to safeguard their reputation within the organisation.”
In certain situations, disclosing secrets can lead to a sense of relief. Bianchi suggests that revealing secrets to empathetic individuals who are not directly impacted by their content, such as spiritual advisors or therapists, can help alleviate the burden. She also noted that for certain secrets, like those held by intelligence officers where disclosure is impossible, a helpful approach might involve discussing the emotions generated by the secret without revealing its specific details. Psychological tactics such as distraction are also being considered by the research team as potential coping mechanisms.
Williams suggests that established emotional regulation techniques could also prove beneficial. “If you can’t get rid of a secret because it’s part of your job or for other reasons, then you have to do something about the negative emotion that you feel about it,” she advises. “We know it’s generally not a good idea to try to ignore or suppress negative emotions, so we might use tools to think about the secret a little bit differently and try to positively reframe it. Maybe instead of thinking of it as burdensome or worrisome, you might try to think about its positive aspects, like the importance or value of holding it.”
For individuals outside of intelligence roles, an alternative approach could involve privately writing about the secret and its emotional impact. James Pennebaker of the University of Texas at Austin, whose previous work demonstrated the therapeutic benefits of journaling emotions, supports this suggestion. He described his research as originating from the observation that individuals experiencing significant life upheavals were more susceptible to health issues if they did not discuss these events compared to those who did. “My research started by noticing that people who had any kind of major upheaval were far more likely to have health problems if they didn’t talk about these events than if they did,” he said.